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Classic TV Revisited: Allo Allo



Allo Allo saw plucky Brits and gallant French Resistance fighters tackle the evil Hun in a sort of Carry On Up The Fuhrer.

When was it on?
1984-1992, some 55 episodes

Where was it set?
In a cafe in the small town of Nouvion in occupied northern France. The year: 1940.

Who wrote it?
David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd who previously collaborated on ‘Are You Being Served,’ Croft was, of course, also the co-creator of ‘Dad’s Army,’ ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum‘and ‘Hi-De-Hi!’, not to mention ‘Oh! Dr. Beeching’…so we won’t.

Who were the star turns?
Gorden Kaye as cafe-owner Rene Artois; Carmen Silvera as his battleaxe wife Edith whose singing induces customers to plug their ears with Camembert; Vicki Michelle and Francesca Gonshaw as Rene’s willing waitresses, Yvette and Maria; Kirsten Cooke as the raincoated Michelle of the Resistance; Richard Gibson as the steely Herr Flick; Kim Hartmann as Helga, Flick’s floosie who hides a whalebone corset and black suspenders under her SS uniform; Guy Siner as Lieutenant Gruber, the Nazi with a crush on Rene (Gruber is delighted to find that Rene too was raised in Nancy, making them both Nancy boys); Richard Marner as Colonel Von Strohm; Sam Kelly as Captain Geering; Arthur Bostrom as Crabtree, the secret serviceman who adopts a ludicrous French accent to pose as a gendarme; John D Collins and Nicholas Frankau as inept RAF officers Fairfax and Carstairs; Rose Hill as Edith’s bed-ridden mother, Mme Fanny; Jack Haig as freedom fighter and master of disguise, Leclerc; and many more.

Who watched it?
More a question of who didn’t watch it. There were complaints that the show insulted the memory of those who suffered in the war and a Belgian nobleman even called for it to be debated in the European Parliament. But David Croft pointed out: ‘Our Germans are insensitive, nest-feathering and kinky, the French are devious, nest-feathering and immoral and the British are real twits. No nation should feel it’s been singled out!’

Any catchphrases?
The most mimicked was Michelle of the Resistance saying ‘Leesten very carefooly, I weel say this ernly wernce’. But she meant once per episode.

What about Crabtree?
It wasn’t always easy for Arthur Bostrom to play the gendarme with irritable vowel syndrome. After weeks of talking phoney French, Arthur (who actually speaks quite good French) had to play a scene in which he talked to the RAF twits in English. Amazingly, he dried when he attempted to speak English – causing a big laugh for him and the studio audience.

What was a typical scene?
While Edith serenades the customers, Michelle of the Resistance sneaks through a cafe window, finds the airmen hiding in Edith’s mother’s bed, says her catchphrase and leaves them looking suitably oafish.

Any distant cousins?
It was a send-up of the BBC wartime drama ‘Secret Army‘.

Any real-life resonance?
A Channel Islands firm produced copies of the show’s famous painting, ‘The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies’, and sold them at £70 each (the paintings not the boobies).



Kick-Ass TV Heroines: Xena – Warrior Princess




Xena Warrior Princess

What was not to love about Xena? As Lucy Lawless says: “Xena is a bad-ass, kick-ass, pre-Mycenaean girl.” Evildoers, clearly, must stand down, but not only bad guys (and girls) have Xena-phobia. Even heroes quake when she swings her broadsword.

Originally created as a syndicated complement to Kevin Sorbo’s Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena pretty much kicked Herc to the curb. It was like when the Bionic Woman made us lose interest in the Six Million Dollar Man–only more so.

Unlike Lindsay Wagner’s early half-woman, half-machine, Xena wasn’t prone to frailty. Nor did she need robot parts. In fact, the Warrior Princess never lost. If she’s down, it’s not for long.

Plus, she was in touch with the dark side: This big-boned bruiser had definite moments of blood lust, as well as lust of some other varieties. Garbed in a leather miniskirt and armed with her trademark razor-edged, boomerang-action chakram, we watched Xena single-leggedly kick down entire platoons of Roman soldiers.

Sure, there were murmurings about Xena and her softer female sidekick, Gabrielle (actress Renée O’Connor). So what if they liked to conserve bathwater by doubling up? And what’s wrong with close friends frenching once in a while?

Then again, maybe it was true–and there’s anything wrong with that.

Actress: Lucy Lawless
Show: Xena: Warrior Princess
Character: Xena

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Classic TV Revisited: McMillan And Wife




McMillan And Wife

Starring Rock Hudson and Susan Saint James, McMillan and Wife was a super cute crime-solving saga from the 1970s made for the NBC’s Mystery Movie series.

Who were they?
Hubby was the debonair San Francisco police commissioner Stewart McMillan.

And wifey?
Sally was a foxy, rather scatterbrained dame with a knack for finding corpses.

Worked down the morgue did she?
Hardly. Sally’s finds were usually in some glitzy mansion which the couple were frequenting for a weekend cocktail party. She also had a habit of getting her life threatened or being kidnapped.

Who was in it?
Tragic Hollywood star Rock Hudson no less. He took on Stewart McMillan in his first TV role, after years as a matinee idol with movies such as Giant.

Fans of the lantern-jawed star were dismayed when he went public about having Aids. He had long kept his homosexuality secret. He carried on working in ’80s glam drama Dynasty, but make-up could not disguise the deterioration of this once-statuesque man. He died in 1985, aged 59.

What about Sally?
That role fell to raven-locked Susan Saint James. The Ali MacGraw lookalike was previously in shows such as Alias Smith And Jones and The Name of the Game.

Other characters
A vital ingredient to McMillan And Wife was sharp-tongued housekeeper Mildred, played by Nancy Walker. Somebody needed to keep the place tidy while they gallivanted about solving crime.

Famous guest stars?
Kim Basinger

The couple’s conception?
Like Hart To Hart, the idea was borrowed from Dashiell Hammett’s Thin Man books of the ’30s.

Gritty crime drama?
Hardly. These were cosy whodunnit cases, where the brutality of murder was never portrayed. The show was more about the interplay between McMillan and Sally.

Had viewers arrested?
Certainly in the US. It was the fifth highest-rated show in 1972 and 1973.

Fate of the golden couple?
Susan Saint James quit in 1976 over a contractual dispute. Nancy Walker also packed away her duster as housekeeper Mildred.

The dame’s exit was a fatal blow?
Certainly for the character of Sally – she was killed off in a plane crash. But Rock soldiered on with new assistant Sgt Steve DiMaggio (Richard Gilliland). The show became McMillan.

A winner?
Audiences dwindled and the plug was pulled.

Distinguishing features?
Cosy pillow talk, cocktail parties, Rock Hudson, pyjamas and numerous corpses.

Do say
Let’s go to bed. Turn the light out, darling.

Don’t say
Must you eat toast in bed, darling. Apologies, but I’ve got terrible flatulence. Separate bedrooms.

Not to be confused with
My Wife Next Door, Harold Macmillan, The Merry Wives Of Windsor and Mr And Mrs.

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Classic TV Revisited: The Royal




The Royal

The Royal was an ITV drama commission and was inspired by its sister programme Heartbeat.

The lowdown: This nostalgic family drama is set in the swinging 1960s and centres on the staff of a cottage hospital in Yorkshire. Newly qualified doctor David Cheriton (Julian Ovenden) is determined to make a difference to the world and arrives at St Aidan’s Royal Free Hospital in Elinsby full of big ideas. But he clashes with the hospital’s secretary TJ Middleditch (Ian Carmichael) who is determined to run things his way. Then there is the Matron (Wendy Craig) who rules her nurses with a rod of iron and tries in vain to stop them being distracted by the handsome arrival.

Memorable moments: Watch out for former Heartbeat favourite Bill Maynard who crosses dramas and continents as Claude Jeremiah Greengrass. Greengrass has returned from a Caribbean holiday with a mystery illness but that doesn’t stop him trying to earn a fast buck. It doesn’t take long before Claude attracts Matron’s ire.

Trivia: The Royal is a family affair for real life husband and wife Robert Daws (Ormerod) and Amy Robbins (Weatherill). No fewer than seven members of their clan have appeared in the series including their daughters and stepson.

Michelle Hardwick, who played receptionist Lizzie, says her favourite moment in the whole series didn’t come on screen but in the actors’ green room. She says: “I was sitting in there with Wendy Craig and Honor Blackman and we were having a lovely conversation. I sat back and thought ‘Wow, this is great, I can’t wait to tell my gran’.”

A modern day set version called The Royal Today aired 7 January – 14 March 2008.

First broadcast: 2003

Starred: Wendy Craig, Ian Carmichael, Michael Starke, Robert Daws and Julian Ovenden

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